Morning PagesMarch 18, 2015

Seek and ye shall find…

I did not find what I sought today, I utterly failed in every way.

No money did I make.

No titles did I win.

Just spinning tyres digging me forever further in.

And just when I think ‘all is not lost’,

A speeding ticket, electricity bill, sick child, cheating spouse, infested house, retrenchment, or some such unforeseen cost,

Comes lurching into my life to make me pay attention.

“Get me outta this!” I scream. “I need a little redemption.”

Please, lord/universe/mother-father power,

If you were gonna intervene this would be the hour.

I really need your guidance to get me through this muck.

I’m cursed with this never-ending string of super-bad luck.

It seems no matter where I turn to escape from all this drama,

My life gets worse and worse as if I’m living Hitler’s karma.

I know I should be grateful for all the little things I’ve got.

I know I should see happiness where all I see is rot.

I know I should believe that life is a conversation,

But all I see is what I’m missing in this incarnation.

If you truly wholly loved me for all that I Am,

Wouldn’t you send me flowers, a million dollars and a man?

Wouldn’t you send me opportunities falling from the sky?

Why doesn’t my life look like a fairy tale rom-com? Please just tell me why?

Why do you make me miserable with all these little trials,

And fill me full of hope for heaven on Earth for a while.

Then pound me down with reality – pay your bills or there will be strife!

A constant string of enemies and challenges is not what I call a life!

I’m never really happy. I just tell myself it’s true.

And when I ask you God for guidance, all I get is woo-woo.

People sell me ways to manifest a beautiful, better life,

Which I unwrap and try on again and again, hoping for a better way to survive.

But I’m not coping with the difficulty you think I can overcome.

I’m not seeing a way to be as happy, rich and healthy as everyone.

I know I should be mindful of all the colourful spectrum in each day,

But all I see is Shitsville in its fifty shades of grey.

All I see is earthquakes, babies dying by the pound.

All I see is fracking polluted water pumped up right out of the ground.

All I see is materialism and it’s victims getting in my way.

All I see is obstacles to building a better day.

All I see is enemies of a vision so few of us hold.

A way to live in harmony while the rest of us seek control.

Please tell me what to do lord, and quick because I’m late,

For another day at work lord where I mingle with people I hate.

Where I listen to their problems and shake my head with pure disdain,

If only they knew my story. That would teach them about real pain.

Because only mine is real lord, only mine is pure.

I do everything I’m supposed to and then I do a little more.

I’m dedicated I am, to getting all this right.

To being a Living Master on this planet, in this fight.

I’m dedicated to you lord because I know it’s plain to see,

You want me to be happy and you want me to be free.

Free of all these people making it difficult to enjoy,

Every moment in the glory of whatever experience you employ,

To make my story visible and set my journey straight.

Because we all know it’s a test and you better not be late!

So I’m doing all I can lord and I’m standing in this place,

Helping all the moronic, greedy, no-good human race,

To see their unholy folly and adopt a better way.

I did not find what I sought today, I utterly failed in every way.