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Before I had a business name, before anything else, I had this site. Living in Two Worlds has been with me for the longest time.

In 2011, I quit my full-time service job (but kept volunteering, studying for two degrees, and supporting more than one individual with chronic post-traumatic stress). I figured it was an opportunity to focus on my business. Meanwhile, the universe had other ideas.

Three years later, I’m writing my book, How To Be Medicine, and sharing my inside life professionally (still volunteering, assisting people with trauma, and finishing my studies). Building websites and online experiences. Posting television and podcast episodes. Crafting counsel and business sessions. Until it started to fall apart.

At the end of 2015, around my fortieth birthday, the world outside our four walls stopped being accessible to me. My body gave out, and I remained bedridden for several months. On over-the-counter painkillers, I managed to get out walking and, as usual, did too much too often and paid the price again.

For ten years, I worked on my business and on re-building my strength (healthwise) from behind the

We all live in constant flux. Sometimes we can perceive the pattern of change and that makes it easier to surrender. Other times our desire to know gets in the way. The desire to be in control simply by knowing what to expect or why life unfolds the way it does, these are personal and intimate conversations. Where am I now and how did I get here?

Imperceptible change, that subtle difference that seems to sneak up and grow louder unbeknownst to us until we catch ourselves in reflection – this too is a personal and intimate conversation. Who do we think we are and where did this new self come from?

Sometimes we are asked to do something unexpected, to say something out of character, or to be with a situation in a new way. These experiments open us up to a possibility that the same old script would have us overlook. As we are remade in each moment, dancing with our purpose and presence, there are numerous invitations into this unknown space. How we approach them is an art. The feeling of no longer being the expert or of being open to a new ontology is more than humbling. It is the kind of honesty that explorers and leaders and oracles must embrace if they value their adventure more than any fixed illusion.

Recently a dear friend indulged me in a Joyful Hearts Angel Healing. At first, neither of us knew what was expected, so we surrendered to our respective positions and listened. I was given a great many images and messages – a big tall strong tree totem, a series of endings, and magnificent visuals of myself as a book that stretches out forever on either side the pages fluttering like fronded leaves or wings. Annie, my Angel Healer, received a single beautiful image – a snail.

I am a snail!

A snail is always home. They are connected to the Earth, sensing their world through touch, and leaving a glorious silver trail wherever they go. In my case, this silver trail is a symbol of what I weave through the various places I have been and the lives I have touched. It is a most assuring image.

To feel the world, is part of my journey. It is an integral aspect of how I know this moment – not as a means to an end but as a sense among many. To embrace this sense is to know where I am. To celebrate this feeling is to know who I am. And to see it as a blessing is to see where else I get to play.

Sometimes we feel to push or protest like a child anchored to the ground when we find ourselves made in a particular way. It feels as if we have found a box to escape or a curse to untangle. But what if that sense of what makes us uniquely designed for our purpose on this plane is not a curse? What if that immediately immutable is an invitation to play in other areas?

Whatever we think is unchanging about ourselves is always moving. Even if one aspect stays with us our entire lifetime, it is remade in every moment. Rarely does such a thing occur. Most of us will have immutable aspects for a series of moments; until we don’t. They stay with us for as long as we need them then they meld into new gifts of perception and persona.

When you find an immutable aspect, how can you celebrate it? How can you trust that this is perfect and divinely guided? Then, when you have had your tantrum, released the need for control, and finally exhaled all your fight – how can you inhale the joy of being who you are?

This joy is more than simply ‘knowing’ and accepting. It is a celebration!

If I must feel, then this is a sacred part of my experience never to be chided or the object of my regret. If I must feel, then where else do I get to play? What other choices do I have about how the world works? Which areas are open to interpretation and malleable to the warmth of my heart?

This is my focus. To see the places I get to play and celebrate the aspects that make me fabulous. Today I choose to write before intake of anyone else’s ideas. Today I choose to wear the textures my snail self enjoys. Today I choose to sing my way through life; to follow my fascination and sit quietly with the world as I lean in to feel its holiness.

What will you do?

What are you doing?

How can you know yourself as sacredly designed?

When do you give yourself the chance to exhale your protest so that the inhale of celebration can take place?

Who will you be when you no longer cling to life as a fixed address?