Guidance. Trust. What does it take to come back to who I Am as empowered?
There are many questions to come back to around trusting yourself, your guidance and the way you show up as perfect.
- What keeps me focused on my essence rather than who I am in contrast to the beliefs I have or the stories I tell about what’s happening?
- How do I remember my wholeness and forget who I am in contrast to the way other people interpret me?
- Where do I love who I am unconditionally instead of worrying about the way people treat me in contrast to how they treat everyone else?
- What would this moment be about if it wasn’t a story about the way other people are trying to distract me and why?
- When am I allowed to feel including the ways I can’t/don’t trust people with who I am and why?
What are we really asking for?
“Which voice do I listen to?” and “which voice do I express out loud?” are not questions of skill and being able to discern between the good voice and the bad voice. It’s about trust. What are you focused on when you hear that voice? How is it geared? In other words, what is it’s job?
For example, does it pipe up to protect you from false accusations? Does it empower people? Does it make you open and vulnerable? Does it ask you to surrender, again?
There is something in what that voice asks of you. Something to be considered in the moment. Especially that part, that deciding factor between ‘speak’ or ‘keep silent’.
Does it ask you to be brave and stand in your truth? Does it ask you to be still in a place of torment? Does it ask you to listen with a wider scope?
And if if you are not familiar with the way your voice speaks to you, before it has decided to be borne on the world, then come back to who you are. Come back to knowing thyself as holy and sacred; as both self and Infinite.
Guidance is another way to talk about knowing yourself well enough to trust who you are is perfect.
It’s about a leap of faith in the alchemy of our essence and our purpose-destiny-fate. It is the story of what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immoveable object. The unstoppable force stops, and the immoveable object moves…
I remember my disappointment at discovering the answer proffered to this riddle. It felt like a cheap trick. I wanted so much to understand something deeply mysterious about the world, and this solution seemed to clinical-ise our magic.
As a philosopher I feel to argue with the conclusion. If a force is unstoppable, then it would not stop, therefore the initial premise is false. What then do we do with the notions of unstoppable and immoveable if they cannot exist in the same reality?
We change the laws of physics. Either that or we say that the properties do not exist at all. They are our options in a cogent universe that proposes to explain itself in terms of fixed properties. You are either male or female (or hermaphrodite).
Except that’s no longer true. Even gender is being re-storied in a way that removes the either-or flavour of reality.
So what are we if we cannot be tied to a fixed gender or personality type or profession or psychological state?
For all these lines we have drawn around who we are and what we do and why we do them, these boxes and points of separation that seek to elevate some parts but not others… none of them are fixed.
All of the measures we use to define ourselves are moving; fluid, flexible, unbounded aspects of a self that is simultaneously more than the sum of its parts AND indistinguishable from a unique wholeness.
There is a temptation to talk about layers and levels of consciousness, a temptation that the concepts of Oneness and mindfulness are beginning to make unpalatable. There is then an attempt to call in patterns echoed in nature as an explanation for balance and imbalance (without ever questioning the ontological), an attempt that is beginning to shimmer and dissolve into mirage as we uncover the secrets of innate wholeness in all things. And as a final push for order in chaos, there is an idea pinned to Mandelbrot, karma and a vibrational universe – an idea that loses steam whence our picture of the world is informed by a gentle invitation to simply be in the moment.
As all of the fixed ideas in the universe reveal themselves to be in constant motion, we can see life itself – our concept of consciousness included – as the unstoppable force.
But the totality of All That Is cannot be separated out into forces and objects. There is only the constant change of energy that merely appears as objects and dreams and critters in separation. An appearance that has little to do with the reality of life itself.
There is so much about human perception yet to be fully understood.
We know that consciousness begins in the heart, an electromagnetic brain responsible for pre-conceiving our experience. We know that the brain in our skull is plastic and much more than we can give it credit for at this stage. And we think we know that the signals transcribed by our heart-brain feedback system are filtered by cultural biases and cognitive functions designed to reinforce our current cosmology, so how can you know that you know what you know when all of your senses are set up to translate a world of energy into a picture of something that looks like discrete objects and fixed identities?
Even cogito ergo sum (I think therefore I am) can only take you as far as the notion of thought or self-awareness, which, if conceived beyond separation, is just energy! Energy interconnected with All That Is – NOT in a web of lines connecting separate dots or as a collection of energy fields, but interconnected in a way that cannot be understood as mechanistic.
Interconnected in a way that accepts a child is nature and nurture without contradiction or judgement; in a way that explains the harmony of the planet as a moment in time rather than an evolutionary ideal; in a way that sees the excitation of a field which does not exist in a 3D way we can see under a microscope and yet there is a landscape of alchemy being made visible.
So what is the immoveable object if everything is energy?
Where does this ‘meeting’ occur when all things are already innately interconnected? I guess that’s up to you. After all, it’s your reality. You’re the one who takes responsibility for judging things as good-bad OR seeing everything as sacred. You’re the one who has to live with the story about how this moment is a ‘challenge’ or simply another sacred conversation with the cosmos.
Remember: the choice you make around how much you trust your voice to intuit the moment, and how much you trust the universe to hold you to your one obligation – to be you – is not a choice made from a blank slate.
From your first breath to your last thought…
…You are a continuation of energy already in motion.
At no point did you ‘come in’ as a separate being with an undistorted view. And it is the distortion that makes you unique; it is the way you understand the distortion – the way you feel about how you show up in the world – that makes a difference.
For example, if you’re on a mission of great import, and your self-work asks you to be different, better, or somehow less who you are and more what you idealise yourself to be… then this is your life! In this way, your self-work is not self-acceptance, it’s a rejection and ideal that highlights who you are as a list of flaws. And your life is a rejection of the I Am which means you can’t trust anything.
Remember: the difference you make is your experience of yourself, your experience of life as self-acceptance.
This means, a man or woman can be unconscious of their ‘impact’, live a fully present existence and still do all the things that appear to make the world a better place even though that was never their intention or focus. And on the flip side, a man or woman can spend their whole life believing they are committed to making a difference when each day is full of doubt, hatred of the system or people in opposition to their efforts, and distress around achieving the outcomes that are important to them.
When the outcomes are more important than the experience, your life is a series of battles and constant assessments of how well you are doing based on the evidence you can see. And here’s the thing!
We can’t see the whole picture
There is more going on than our senses can transcribe, and the filters in place make it impossible for us to be objective. No matter how scientific you think you’re being in your commitment to doing the ‘right’ thing or being your ‘best’ self, there is no way around our subjective nature.
You can surround yourself with like minds and only read the books that support your way of seeing the world, but none of this reinforcement makes your truth universal.
Your truth is yours. It’s based on the configuration of energy that nature and nurture have made you; and it’s a powerful recognition of how life works for you (so don’t reject it), but it’s not an immoveable object.
For example, you say “Spirit is all powerful and I am an expression of the Divine” but then you don’t trust your voice and you make other people responsible for your feelings. Why?
Most of the explanations for this will make you faulty or unwise. I don’t think that helps. I don’t think you say one thing and act on another belief because there is something wrong with you or because you haven’t figured it out yet. I think it’s an invitation.
I think we are all motivated by the desire to feel loved. The unintentional change-maker and the committed sufferer, are both motivated by the desire to:
- Feel safe. What makes us feel safe? When the world plays by rules we understand. Not rules we enjoy, but rules that help us build a 3D life out of quantum energy.
- Belong. What gives us a sense of belonging? A fixed identity and relationship with others. Not a pleasant or accurate story, but one that tells us in no uncertain terms that we fit (even if we fit by playing the role of an outcast).
- Have meaning. What makes life meaningful? Having a purpose we can fulfil. Not the one we work toward, but the way we know our worth.
Often these 3 things are understood as hinderances to a happy life or a healthy mind-body-spirit. For instance, the idea of a ‘self-sabotaging’ belief is based on the assumption that you made a mistake or someone else was wrong. So, even before you’ve started looking at what makes you the way you are, the story is founded in trying to change something because you’re a victim either of your own stupidity or someone else’s malice or neglect.
How the hell are you supposed to trust yourself when your first point of self-awareness is about being right, wrong or incomplete? I think there is another way to begin our exploration of self-awareness. It’s called Heart Alchemy.
Heart Alchemy will never make you wrong (or right) and it will always come back to who I Am as empowered. When the tribe reminds you of how who you are right now is Divine, you don’t need punishment and reward to guide you. You trust that Spirit made you who you are for a reason.
Heart Alchemy will always see you as interconnected and give you a way to ‘be with’ whatever or whomever is showing up. There are ways to see how other people are perfect for there mission and that your story about their behaviour is part of your self-awareness. By taking responsibility and finding freedom in your own reflection, your relationships exist without judgement or separation.
Heart Alchemy will not make you a calm, spiritually enlightened success story because that ideal is focused on outcomes that ask you to compare yourself to something that looks a particular way.
Heart Alchemy is about self-acceptance, presence and translating all of our experiences as a conversation with the cosmos. All of your emotions, thoughts, dreams, relationships, issues and everyday scenarios are showing up for self-awareness without judgement. You still get to feel, fornicate and follow your experience wherever it takes you. It’s just that when you’re telling the story about what’s really going on, your trust in who you are is powerful enough to hold your trust in All That Is… and that’s your immoveable object!
In ‘Arkie’s Pilgrimage to the Next Big Thing’ by Lisa Walker there’s a woman who has a job that doesn’t quite fit into a box.
I read another book about a woman like that. A book by Iain Banks – The Business. It was more sinister and yet grounded in Reality – yes, with a big ‘R’ – all the same. A reality that tells you the story is what makes life good, bad or unbearable, and that there’s no gap between what you tell yourself and what is Real; between what it looks like and how it is.
So much so, for example, that when you and an other person want different things, you have to go to a judge to figure out who deserves to have what. Meanwhile, everyone is telling the story of how they’re being hard done by, no matter what, because they have to give the decision over to someone else AND life is not what they thought they signed up for. Hmmm.
Back to the unusual job for a minute.
From a safe distance, it looks like some people find their niche while others bumble around in the darkness of self doubt and distress around lack of acknowledgement. But what’s really going on?
What’s going on when you can’t see what you do as valuable?
What’s going on when you don’t acknowledge your value, especially when you can’t put a finger on exactly what it is that’s valuable about what you do?
What does that label do for our sense of self?
How does it make valuable what we already have meaning for?
Or are we still confusing acknowledgement with meaning?
shutterstock image by wavebreakmedia
According to the book, the next big thing is the pilgrimage. We’re asking, “what makes transformation of the self so appealing?” and “how does the pilgrimage of transformation correlate between Catholic purgatory and Shinto reward in this life?” Hmmm.
Catholic Pilgrimage of Transformation
Cleansed. Forgiven. Redeemed.
Transition. Penance. Sacred. Journey.
You balance out your sins before you enter heaven.
Shinto Pilgrimage of Transformation
For Japanese, pilgrimage is about reward in this life…we ask for practical help.
You come back changed – healed or maybe you find love.
The essential aspect is that you leave one world and enter another. Everyone wants that?
I want my self back. I want that flow of ideas, connectedness, to return.
Yes, I recognise that statement in the want of those around me. I recognise the want for flow as if it defines the self (and a rejection of all other experiences as non-self, as a corruption of our essence). Where does this idea work for us? What is it’s job?
For many spiritual and psychoanalytic approaches, the question is ‘where does this idea come from?’ or ‘how can we fix it?’ But for me, for a Heart Alchemist, a Living Master who sees life through Spirit’s eyes, the question is never about cause-and-effect or making this wrong. It’s always about how this energy is here for a reason and knowing it is our job to decide how it shows up.
Do you find yourself analysing portents and symbols for hidden significance?
The world seems deeply mysterious to me in a way that it isn’t to others. A crow outside my window, a dog following me home, a dream of a shipwreck, any of these things can set my mind off on a tangent from which it may take some time to return.
We are forever making sense of the world, putting it into categories, into little boxes that help us tell the story of whose fault it is or how we might put the world back into balance. And there are a lot of products you can buy to help with that battle, to keep you awake when you’re naturally tired, to support your perspective when you see opposition, to finance your project when the flow is in short supply.
We have learnt many tricks to move the conditions of life around as if they were chess pieces, as if we’re playing in opposition to some invisible force trying to beat us at our own game. Much energy is expended playing the role that earns us the points, the right to get the gold. And how many alliances are made in an effort to create what we believe to be a life well lived? Even our relationships have an agenda. We can’t be unconditionally loving because there are rules about what we expect of other people when we love them!
I can’t help thinking there is a reason – a reason beyond the obvious.
A reason even when life seems unreasonable. That’s why we trust scientific methods, spiritual sentiment or religious canon, right? That’s why we look for evidence – to find reason for the unreasonable.
It’s why we go to court and tell the story of contributing factors when someone commits a ‘crime’. It’s why we label adolescence a ‘phase’ and attribute many ‘irrational’ behaviours to an over-active hormonal system controlled by an under-developed brain. It’s why we turn to experts and gurus when life seems unbearable, confusing or unclear. It’s why we put philosophical aphorisms on our fridge, and why we turn to the seven steps of serenity when we want to avoid another ‘bad relationship’, ‘unhelpful pattern’ or a trajectory of choice set to ‘self-sabotage’.
My whole life has been based on acceptance of whatever the cosmos may throw at me.
If this was true, you would be in acceptance, but you’re not.
If this was true, you would not ask “why me?” and want for a different life, for a simpler way, for an easier purpose, for a better world, for a clearer sense of who you are and why you’re here.
And if it’s not true, then how do you make sense of what you believed to be true and now discover was just an ideal of what you’d like to be true? More importantly, how do you make sense of this revelation without making yourself right, wrong or incomplete? In other words, without judgement.
miracles and wonder
Everything you need, you already have.
Does that grind you? Are you ready to growl and yawp feverishly at the screen?
Great! You just found your Loudest Point.
Your Loudest Point
[the Japanese rock garden] I think the garden is like one of those Rorschach tests. Everyone sees something different. It depends on what you’ve known and on what you want. It is nothing but a stimulus for your mind to fly free…
Life is like that. A Rorschach ‘test’ that becomes Real according to what you’ve experienced and what you desire. It is not an objective out there waiting for you to encounter it’s truth. It is not a figment of your imagination either.
Depending on your filters – perceptual and cultural – the real is constructed and deconstructed in a particular language. In other words, you sense through one filter, then you give meaning to what you sense through another filter.
The first is not separate from the second, we just like to understand the nature of things in parts when we’re in duality. Once you see life through Spirit’s eyes say as a Heart Alchemist, a Living master, or a point of Oneness, then there is no separation. I digress.
Your Loudest Point
Your Loudest Point is the experience of your filtered reality in this moment. It’s telling you what to pay attention to. How you decipher that invitation is going to depend upon where you focus.
Are you focused on, ‘why is this happening to me?’
Or perhaps, ‘how can I get this to stop hurting?’
Is it more important to know if this a sign of confirmation or reprimand?
How you interpret (your filtered) reality is up to you
The how is not the what. The what is not the directive. The directive is not the goal. The goal is not the outcome. The outcome is not the reason. The reason is not the result. The result is not the evidence. The evidence is not truth. The truth is not the purpose. The purpose is not the effect. The effect is not the reward. The reward is not the experience. The experience is not the story. The story is not the problem. The problem is not focus. The focus is not action. The action is not the meaning. The meaning is not the method.
It is what it is, until it’s not.
You’re either being or becoming. You’re either present or you’re not. There’s no working toward becoming present. There’s no waiting for all your ducks in a row before you can love yourself. There’s no making a commitment to being a better person starting sometime in the future unless I’m late for work or the kids are making me crazy. You’re either in or you’re out.
And if you’re out, where are you?
You must be somewhere?
Spirit doesn’t put you out. Only you see yourself in terms of what you’re not doing. Spirit sees where you are, what you are doing, how you are on purpose, and how you are perfect right now.
How you interpret your filtered reality is up to you. This does not mean it’s your fault, or that you need to fix something. Stop trying to take it somewhere else and just be with what it is – how you interpret your filtered reality is up to you.
Without all the extra meanings and significances, what does this tell you? Just read the words in the sentence again. What do the actual words say. Can you see how hard it is to stay with the words just as they are? This is your filter.
Your filter tells you where to go with what you see-hear-feel.
It re-stories everything to suit your picture of the world. It tells you what is a problem and what is a blessing. It divides the world into enemies and allies. It makes other people responsible for how you feel, what you get, and where you are. It justifies your mood, your energy levels, your needs. It also plays a bit part in formulating all of your lists – your wish list(s), your to-do list, your road to recovery list, your being a good person list, your how to identify a good friend list, your sings of a happy and successful life list. Your filter is everywhere.
Your filter is a powerful protector ensuring you keep all of your rules about the world in place. Any information that contradicts that picture is shot down immediately. You will never even know it existed. Your filter is the perfect soldier.
Which means that it takes orders.
Your filter takes orders from your sensibilities.
It is a dutiful servant to all the rules and explanations that you have put in place (and made Reality, with a big ‘R’). It is doing a great job. If it’s doing a great job and it takes orders from your sensibilities, then what about your sensibilities? Are they the problem?
There is no problem!
Your sensibilities are the rules and explanations themselves. They are your picture of the world, your dictionary of everyday experience. If you’re looking for a reason for what’s going on, for a big picture reason, then you’re asking your sensibilities to answer for a job they don’t have. It is not your rules that determine the significance of Reality.
Your rules keep you safe, give you a sense of belonging and a meaningful life. They tell you how to feel when it rains, what to do when you’re sitting in the car among other cars at 7:46am knowing work starts in less time than you have to get from A to B, and they tell you when someone else is being unreasonable. Your sensibilities will ask the question ‘why me?’ but they are not responsible for the Real answer, they are only responsible for the answer that keeps your rules in place.
The significance of what is occurring, the Real answer, is what Spirit sees and it will never make you or anybody else right, wrong or incomplete. If you can see-find the answer to any question, the reason for why things are happening in a language that does not make anyone right, wrong or incomplete, then you have accessed the real beyond your filter. Congratulations!
If you cannot see-find the answer beyond your filter, then there is a reason and you are with your Loudest Point. How can you be with your Loudest Point without making it right, wrong or incomplete? How can you be present to your rules, explanations, reasons and anything else that pops up for attention, in a way that allows them all to be dutiful aspects doing a great job? How can you let them do their job AND become aware of what Spirit sees without comparison or desire for change?
How can you value who you are right now – sensibilities included – and see your desire for ‘change’ as your Loudest Point (instead of an actual goal)? In this place, you are present. In this space, you are making visible all the stories and filters in place as you simultaneously accept whatever’s in your field of vision as a conversation with the cosmos. Being here allows what Spirit sees to exist as what’s really going on…
I’m not sure what’s kicking for me until it’s already made a mess. That is the way life is for me. And I can’t be the only one who feels before they know; the only one who must trust without proof. Trusting I am made this way for a reason and that whatever I am asked to do is in the here and now.
Yes, it’s important for me to be honest and open. But these are things I have learnt about myself. Through experiments and surprises, what is important has made itself visible.
The truth is not something I came upon easily. It was hidden in plain sight for many years, disguised as self discovery, revealed only in my reluctance to live out loud what it is I do effortlessly – love!
Love, for me, is not about the rules I make for other people. Love, for me, is the things I want for them – which is whatever they want for themselves. After all, it is not for me to say how you might find happiness or even if you should seek it. As a lover, it is my place to simply be. And as I explore that lover’s place, that dancing ribbon of energy forever moving to catch the light, I also see you!
I see what Spirit sees – only that you are perfect in this moment and we are One. I see that you are an equal and essential aspect of All That Is, and this moves me.
What I do not see is how you are flawed. To me these things are a trick of the light. If you could stand here, in Spirit’s space, you would see these flaws and all the things that make you right, wrong or incomplete, you would see these things as part of your perfection. You might even begin to appreciate them as valuable.
Perhaps this kind of whole-hearted self-acceptance seems naive and impractical. Your sensibilities are nurtured by a strict regime of sorting the chaff from the wheat, the positive from the negative, the supportive from the obstructive. And yet love is not subject to these oppositions.
What you think/believe to be helpful, and what love makes possible, are not even in the same reality… which is why they do not speak the same language. It is this language of what love makes possible that I have been asked to speak into reality at this time, and if you would permit me, I would share his living wisdom with you.
I call it Heart Alchemy.
I did not find what I sought today, I utterly failed in every way.
No money did I make.
No titles did I win.
Just spinning tyres digging me forever further in.
And just when I think ‘all is not lost’,
A speeding ticket, electricity bill, sick child, cheating spouse, infested house, retrenchment, or some such unforeseen cost,
Comes lurching into my life to make me pay attention.
“Get me outta this!” I scream. “I need a little redemption.”
Please, lord/universe/mother-father power,
If you were gonna intervene this would be the hour.
I really need your guidance to get me through this muck.
I’m cursed with this never-ending string of super-bad luck.
It seems no matter where I turn to escape from all this drama,
My life gets worse and worse as if I’m living Hitler’s karma.
I know I should be grateful for all the little things I’ve got.
I know I should see happiness where all I see is rot.
I know I should believe that life is a conversation,
But all I see is what I’m missing in this incarnation.
If you truly wholly loved me for all that I Am,
Wouldn’t you send me flowers, a million dollars and a man?
Wouldn’t you send me opportunities falling from the sky?
Why doesn’t my life look like a fairy tale rom-com? Please just tell me why?
Why do you make me miserable with all these little trials,
And fill me full of hope for heaven on Earth for a while.
Then pound me down with reality – pay your bills or there will be strife!
A constant string of enemies and challenges is not what I call a life!
I’m never really happy. I just tell myself it’s true.
And when I ask you God for guidance, all I get is woo-woo.
People sell me ways to manifest a beautiful, better life,
Which I unwrap and try on again and again, hoping for a better way to survive.
But I’m not coping with the difficulty you think I can overcome.
I’m not seeing a way to be as happy, rich and healthy as everyone.
I know I should be mindful of all the colourful spectrum in each day,
But all I see is Shitsville in its fifty shades of grey.
All I see is earthquakes, babies dying by the pound.
All I see is fracking polluted water pumped up right out of the ground.
All I see is materialism and it’s victims getting in my way.
All I see is obstacles to building a better day.
All I see is enemies of a vision so few of us hold.
A way to live in harmony while the rest of us seek control.
Please tell me what to do lord, and quick because I’m late,
For another day at work lord where I mingle with people I hate.
Where I listen to their problems and shake my head with pure disdain,
If only they knew my story. That would teach them about real pain.
Because only mine is real lord, only mine is pure.
I do everything I’m supposed to and then I do a little more.
I’m dedicated I am, to getting all this right.
To being a Living Master on this planet, in this fight.
I’m dedicated to you lord because I know it’s plain to see,
You want me to be happy and you want me to be free.
Free of all these people making it difficult to enjoy,
Every moment in the glory of whatever experience you employ,
To make my story visible and set my journey straight.
Because we all know it’s a test and you better not be late!
So I’m doing all I can lord and I’m standing in this place,
Helping all the moronic, greedy, no-good human race,
To see their unholy folly and adopt a better way.
I did not find what I sought today, I utterly failed in every way.
As children we begin. Innocent and ignorant. Then we begin to play the games we believe to be necessary for a child to play – teasing, competing, comparing, even whinging or raging to get our way. But this is not the only story.
As children we begin. Capable yet curious. In each moment we stand and explore what might be. In each person we open to the unknown, moved by the desire to fill and be filled simultaneously. This story, of being with, is the story you have not yet been told. It is the story of knowing that you always have been on purpose and that life is.
Wherever you get your story from, you live your life from. There is no simpler way to navigate the ‘better’ or more ‘successful’ life. The story is your point of focus, it is your compass. It tells you what is true and how to defend that truth to the end!
The story is not the key. You cannot commit to a new story and simply be in a different paradigm. The story is your commitment and without it you are lost.
Without your point of focus, you are not making sense of the world. Something else is needed. Something drastic that requires courage and surrender. Wherever you are, whomever you wish you could be, it is your story that makes it possible.
For so long we have been taught to demonise the things that make our story possible; to admonish the ego, to quell our hunger, to breathe through our anger, to survive our tragedies, and breakthrough to new ground as if fresh Earth could cleanse the stain of torment and misdeed from our humanity.
This story, of the dark night of the soul and promised land is your life’s work. You tell it over and over again to make sense of what has happened, of who you might be if only. And just as the universe will let you ‘want’ when you affirm ‘I want to manifest…’ there is another loop of problem-address-success-failure-problem-address-success-failure that keeps your story going.
Ask yourself, “If there were no problems, what would I be motivated by?”
Without the problem-address-success-failure loop, how would you know you were doing a ‘good’ job, and when would you feel the urge to change?
All your life the story has been telling you to look for trouble, to see the problem as motivation and to divide the world into good and bad. This is perfect. Keep doing this if you feel like it’s working. Keep seeing what needs fixing and go into that place as an agent of change. Keep assessing yourself as on purpose or off track, and keep living by the story that something has to be wrong in order for me to pay attention…
Until you feel the pull to do something differently.
Then it’s time to pay attention for it’s own sake. It’s time to translate the world and all its ills from a different story. One that allows you to be with. One that asks you to be on purpose because Life is. One that recognises the inhale and exhale as one continuous act of faith without good or bad, right or wrong, higher or lower, better or worse – because whatever you came here to do is being done and whatever the world needs is not separate from being present.
The Perfect Present
This morning I went through my emails and unsubscribed to all the people who talk to me about my ‘problems’ – because I don’t have any.
It’s not that my life is without interesting twists and turns. It’s not that I don’t wait in line or get funny looks or have too many zeros in the bank. It’s just that I don’t have any problems.
I don’t label anything a problem because it is what it is, and whatever it is I can be with it. I may not be able to ‘fix’ it or ‘change’ it or ‘control’ it (but why would I want to do that?)
I unsubscribed because I’m ready to talk to people who also don’t have problems. My doors are open to people who want to come hang out and share their experience of life as a conversation. My heart is smiling and my life is available to those who walk the way of a Living Master.
You may not be able to bring people back to life, part the sea or manifest millions, but you can be with whatever Spirit has struck up in conversation with you in this moment. You know who you are. You’re the one who thinks there must be a reason even though part of you is tortured by the seeking of reason. You’re the one who doesn’t know quite how to explain it but life is an intuitive playground that asks you again and again to be present no matter what.
For you the explaining is the hardest part. Living is simple, you just feel it. Being with people who want to assess your emotional state or tell you how to cure that cough, that’s the tricky bit. If it weren’t for other people forever trying to stick you in a box, life would be bliss.
You have no problems. You know the ‘bad’ smells are just aromas. You know ‘waiting’ is an opportunity to be still. You know ‘noise’ is an invitation to sing. You know ‘betrayal’ is the universe sending you on another adventure. And you know ‘death’ as a phase into being that we can’t see (well some of us can).
Now, how about having no problems and being able to live with people who do have problems! Can you dig it? Are you wishing there was an easy way to wash away their ‘distress’ and ‘control’ so that you didn’t have to live with it? Because there’s something magical about having no problems AND being able to see that other people have no problems either.
Let me explain…
I walk around in the world seeing what Spirit sees. I’m not bothered by a door here or a fork there, whatever it looks like is only part of the picture. I know how to see past the image into the conversation with God. That makes my adventure simple, effortless. Now, people want to be near me and talk to me about their life because the things I say help them see past the image and into the conversation too. Which is great!
It’s better than great, it’s perfect. It’s what I do. That’s why I’m here. But there’s more to it.
Not only do I see the conversation for myself and translate from the image to the conversation for other people, I also have a way of being with that allows me to be human. I can stomp and cry and be uncertain and still have no problems. And here’s why…
When I am stomping, I am aware of stomping and allowed to stomp for it’s own sake (no reason required, no bad day to inspire stomping, and no other people to attack with my stomping). This leaves me free to be present to stomping without any of the ‘he said/she said/I wish/woe lament’ that comes with having problems.
It also means that stomping is a short term activity which does not define me. I Am. The stomping is a wave of expression that I embody (for its own sake) and at all times, I Am. I can engage it as a conversation without looking for a reason or justification for stomping. I can embody its attitude in the spirit of play without making it less than dancing or working. And I can speak to its presence as sacred instead of trying to race to the other side back onto safer ground (for there is only here and now).
If you think you have problems, maybe you would like to experiment with the I Am method. Maybe just for one day, you would like to try stomping or whinging or being tired in the spirit of play that allows you to embody the feeling for its own sake, and to let it flow through you (so you don’t have to rush it on its way or make it better or understand its origins).
Or maybe not.
There’s always an exception to the rule. No sense of ‘what is’ can play out across the universe untouched by story.
For example, to say that being inspired is inspiring others is to miss the personal nature of Divine inspiration. Inspiration means to ‘breathe or blow into’ originally in the sense of a divine or supernatural truth or idea.
Sometimes we feel inspired to ‘change’ or ‘escape’ or ‘rescue’ or ‘organise’ life in a particular way. But this is the story we tell after inspiration has been breathed into experience. It’s the way we explain what comes in.
Something comes up to be experienced. We embody it in situ. Then we tell a story about what that means. This story is what we know as reality.
It is not our sense at fault or even our story. For no matter what our experience (or reality) the truth is, we are always on purpose and life is happening for us. The conversation is always about how we feel loved.
No matter what vibration, intention or affirmation, being present to WHAT IS (rather than the reason, the report card or the to-do list) can make our experience effortless.
Effortless is not the goal. It’s not a sign that you’re on the right track or seeing things clearly. Effortlessness is being present to what is as an aspect of the Divine. The Perfect Present Experience and a lot of the work Louise and I do together is focused on how people come to be present to what is as an aspect of the Divine. It is not the only way.
It is the way we have been asked to be on the planet. It is Divine inspiration. Not as a force for change or a way to inspire people or a sense of what’s missing. To be a messenger is to do what you’re told and know there is a reason (but we don’t have access to all the information so we can’t possible be expected to know “why”).
If you want to have that experience over eight weeks and be part of something that won’t make you right, wrong or incomplete, then check it out.
It’s early. The universe woke me up this time yesterday too. There’s something asking me to write in the cool with crickets to serenade my fingers dancing across the keyboard. So let’s do that…
Peace Offering is a card from the Doreen Virtue Ascended Masters Oracle deck. It talks about the resolution of an argument or misunderstanding where those involved are ‘ready to forgive and forget’. I’m not sure these are the words I would use but then I guess that’s why I’m being asked to write about peace on Earth.
The Oracle goes on to suggest one ‘be open to seeing the other person’s point of view to soften any hard feelings’ which just reminds me of the messages I get around knowing or trusting there’s a reason; that we are all on purpose, doing the best we can with what we have; and every single one of us is motivated by the desire to feel loved aka feeling safe, belonging and having meaning.
‘As you allow compassion into the situation, love’s healing power ensures that everyone’s needs are met harmoniously.’ Since we’re all interconnected there’s no actual healing required but having an experience of compassion, of seeing where the other person is motivated by and subject to their unique Divine experience can change the story we tell about them as well as the way we feel.
This change of Heart is enough to have peace.
‘Leave the details about how this situation will be resolved to the infinite wisdom of Spirit.’ Again, I would not use the word ‘resolve’ and yet this statement of surrender is exactly what we need to further understand the difference between an experience of working toward outcomes and an experience of being present to our purpose in this moment.
Let’s return to the first point – I’m not sure these are the words I would use but then I guess that’s why I’m being asked to write about peace on Earth.
Where I don’t believe in ‘resolution’ or ‘forgiveness’, I do see the way people label experiences in such language and how this need for understanding is integral to another label – struggle. When I say “I don’t believe in” I mean these ideas are outside of my cosmology. I am of the belief that we are interconnected aspects of Spirit, therefore there is no inside-outside, no exchange between separate points, and no discrete experiences.
We have been brought up in the language of exchange (materialist duality) which tells us that we are separate, that things happen to us, and that we can make assessments about what is best according to the information that we have access to. But there is another language – energy.
The language of energy is also known as Oneness, as unity consciousness, and what I call Heart Alchemy (which is both the language and the living, the noun and the verb, the concept and the practice). Within this language, there is no exchange. That means you cannot heal because healing is about fixing something that is not whole and integrated (which is impossible because we are all indivisible from Spirit, always whole, always interconnected). So, if there’s no healing then why do we have sickness?
We don’t. We have an experience that we have labelled sickness. I know, you’re thinking “yeah sure, change the name and we still suffer and die.” But it’s bigger than that.
Pathology is a myth we are beginning to reconsider. Medical research has been asked to integrate some radical ideas over the last few decades, and it’s not just about alternatives for hippies. The study of how and why traditional medical interventions are effective (or not effective) has led researchers to look at pathology in a new way.
For those of you curious about what I mean when I say ‘pathology’, I’m talking about the idea that we can label some things as symptoms of disease or a corruption of optimum health. Pathology looks at a snotty reaction to eating bread as an intolerance, and sets about means of correcting the flaw.
So, if pathology is the labelling of flaws, Western materialist biomedicine is the mechanics of correction or healing.
I use the word mechanics intentionally. Western healing uses a mechanistic or materialist biomedical mythology to inform its practices. In other words, we are seen as biological machines that can be separated into systems (like the nervous system) and organs and functions which medicine measures for imbalances or anomalies. This medical approach then intervenes to correct any pathological flaws.
So what, right? Who cares about how physicians and arbiters of healing view the human body?
We do. When you go to a GP or a specialist or a healer, you are making a decision about how you want your ‘health’ to be understood. Studies into the Placebo Effect have shown that all healing is placebo. That is, germ theory and biomedical science cannot explain the fact that some people respond to medical interventions while others don’t. It cannot explain how simply making an incision into the knee yielded longer lasting results than performing the actual reconstructive knee surgery on the control group. It cannot explain why provision of basic needs is not enough to ensure human survival. And it cannot explain how shamans can remove an inoperable tumour without touching the ‘patient’ or prescribing medication.
It’s not that there is something ‘wrong’ with Western medicine. For those who believe in its powers and practitioners, this style of medicine is going to be effective – that’s the point. If all healing is placebo, then whatever works for you is part of your belief system. And even that is more complicated than the things you have chosen to consciously commit to.
Beliefs are part of our invisible navigation system, not a logical or philosophical theory.
You can tell what you believe by looking at what’s happening in your life right now. For example, if you believe that the pressures of life are eased when you get sick because people feel sorry for you and don’t expect you to do so much or try so hard or be perfect OR perhaps the ease is in a belief that people can’t expect these things of you when you’re sick because it’s unreasonable to ask a sick person to perform at optimum efficiency (even if the reality doesn’t match up), then this belief will manifest in your life. This belief is part of what keeps you safe. It gives you a sense of belonging, and meaning.
All of your beliefs are serving you, they are dishing out what you have dictated as immutable truth and no logic or spoken desire can distract them from their duty.
It’s a big shift in thinking so don’t wrap yourself into knots trying to figure it all out. We are only just beginning to speak energy on this planet and it is so radical an idea that people still expect something to be wrong.
We expect the new idea to replace the old idea because it’s incorrect. We expect the new idea to give us better outcomes because the old one was leading us astray. But here’s the deal.
No matter what you believe, no matter what it looks like is occurring, no matter what story you’re telling about how the world works or who you need to be… there is no right, wrong or incomplete.
No good-bad polarity, no right-wrong judgement, no high-low duality, no better-worse outcomes, no give-take separation, no healthy-sick pathology, no enlightened-ignorant disconnection, no easy-hard control. No levels, no layers, no journey, no growth, no lessons, no cause-and-effect manifestation consciousness. And yet if these things are part of your cosmology, then they are serving you perfectly!
This new way of being on the planet is not about making people wrong or convincing them that there is a better way or that we need to be wary of particular dangers or that opportunities for growth await them. This language of energy, this Heart Alchemy is about focusing on what people need to feel loved.
It’s about knowing we are already interconnected and that connection is impossible to separate out into particles or people that ping-pong into each other. It’s about interpreting every situation as a conversation with the cosmos instead of dividing our experiences into ‘issue; opportunity; work; play; purpose’. It’s about knowing every scenario is new and unique, even when it feels like a ‘pattern’ or ‘cycle’. It’s about tuning to the loudest point with curious surrender knowing whatever bubbles up is here for a reason. It’s about knowing there is always a reason and even when it seems unreasonable to seek the place where you can be with what is.
It’s also about knowing that the ones that are hardest to love are the ones that need love the most. Not because they have been denied or you need to ‘give’ or ‘transmit’ or ‘heal’ or ‘create’ something. Because a focus on what people need to feel loved is a way of life. It changes all the stories you tell about what’s occurring. Instead of ignorance and betrayal and violence, you will see what Spirit sees.
When you see through Spirit’s eyes you will see that your one obligation is to be whatever configuration of crazy the Divine made you without trying to change or fix anything, because by being YOU the world is perfect.
The ‘obstacles’ to being you are many and varied:
- A sense of wanting life to be different
- Uncertainty of one’s place
- Denying permission to simply be
- Distrust of intuitive guidance
- Pathologising other people’s behaviours
Again, there are no actual obstacles because whatever is going on is perfect. I use the term to highlight where people FEEL that they fail, not where Spirit sees failure.
Spirit sees only that you are perfectly designed for your mission and that your one obligation is to be you. When you FEEL effortless as you, the world is perfect and you are having an experience of Your Divine Identity – which you already are, nothing to activate or improve. When you FEEL the truth of your intuitive guidance you are having an experience of personal truth. And when you FEEL focused on what people need to feel loved, you are having an experience of life as a conversation with the universe.
See also: January 10 is 13 Oc/Tz’i. Eastern medicine considers that the patient is just as, if not more, responsible for his or her own health. This means having not only the knowledge but the authority to decide how best to heal your body and maintain strong, vibrant health long into the future. Today, harness the psychic energy of Oxlahun to tune into your body and go straight to the core of whatever ails you or needs attention now. Listen to the advice of your doctors and health professionals, especially those in holistic or Eastern medicine, but do your research and make the final decision yourself.
image ©Viktorgladkov Pyramid-Of-The-Stones-On-The-Sandy-Beach-Photo Dreamstime.com
We are not separate particles ping-ponging across the universe, but interwoven fabric that can never truly be divided into strands for the further in you go, the finer the material until all you have is light (and then energy which is all we are – excitations of a field, of a collection of fields that exist simultaneously and somehow manifest as patterns that appear whole and complete in every moment if only you could see them from a particular angle; an angle forever shifting and inviting us to surrender to the beauty of all that is).
Between home and work it is not work that tortures us or home that comforts us. We imagine a transition – a space ripping us from somewhere warm and enticing, and delivering us into the unpleasant. But in fact there is no transition.
We are always where we find ourselves, and more than that we are always where we need to be.
What did Buddha say about happiness? That the key to happiness is to want what you have, not what you don’t have. “But if I already had what I wanted, then what would I go for? What would motivate me and drive my decisions?”
I have had this conversation with clients over and over again. This need for a goal or outcome is the tag that tells us we must be invested for some reason. It is the flag that designates our camp as better or at least distinct from the next camp. It is the reward of certainty that gives us permission to define our experience as unsatisfactory.
What happens when we simply surrender to the truth that we don’t have access to all the information. As spiritual beings having a human experience we have access to exactly what we need so we can be who we are. We can glimpse the truth from time to time – in surrender. But otherwise with our perceptual biases and invisible cultural norms, it is impossible to see what’s going on from a place of Divine reason.
This is what makes life unreasonable – not being able to see the reason.
As we have an experience of Oneness, of calm interconnection and then move back into our schedule wondering how to maintain that sense of surrender, life flips between knowing there’s a reason and wanting the world to be reasonable. The residue of calm interconnection will only last so long before the world loses its sheen and begins to get scratchy again…unless we have a way to LIVE in surrender. Otherwise we have to make time for regular meditation and any practices that help us get back that surrender feeling (for a time).
So, how can we live in surrender? And in surrender to what exactly?
In surrender to interconnection; to Divine Timing; to your Divine Identity; to intuitive guidance; to reading experience as a conversation with the cosmos; to redefining every moment until the story neither right, wrong nor incomplete.
For more click here…
I remember my experience of what was labelled ‘depression’ as dynamic as any other. Long stretches pushing up inside the bubble. Launched backwards in a fixed position on the skin of the sphere. Eyes clenched, head down, arms inconsequential. A human shrimp swimming up back against the sinking sac of extended self, an invasive fluid heightening sensitivity to sound, texture, comment, and everything unspoken.
Depression was silence. A way to be in the world without tuning to the instructions and constant banter. At times a reprieve from life’s expectation that you might be a certain thing in a certain place, that immovable object you never could attain against that unstoppable force of who you are. A surrender to be outside the game and metamorphose between the edges of you and the world inane.
I also remember the times I felt I needed to pierce my flesh and bleed. There was no desire for death or a pity audience. In fact, at times it became a test to see if anyone could actually see what was hidden under my clothes, all that anger and confusion about not knowing who I was allowed to be.
I say my experience labelled ‘depression’ because it was not separate from any of my other experiences and there was nothing consistent that tied it to itself. I did not know I had permission to feel my feelings, to think my thoughts, to sing my style, to know my world from the truths that came from inside. I could not be sure of the voices intuitive, or the empathic information I received unlike anyone else in my life. And I questioned the integrity of ‘knowing’ when it created a reality interpreted as unconventional, not because I wanted to fit in or be seen to be successful but because I only care about how people feel loved. I tune only to their need to know themselves as a gift.
This is my job. I have played it my whole life. When I was experiencing uncertainty about how I was allowed to do my job there were opportunities to know myself as unacceptable. There were encounters with people that encouraged me to know myself as a diagnosis, a personality type, a psychometric test, a cognitive-behavioural contract, a voice on the phone, a secret, a lover’s commitment, and much more. These were not the things that helped me understand what I need to feel loved, these were the moments of perfection that allowed all things to exist in their ideal configuration.
Depression is not a curse, it is a lived expression. It may not be pleasant or easy to understand but it is inseparable from the rest of your experiences. There is something integral about knowing that it is not a flaw that allows you to discover yourself. And rather than seek a cure to a diagnosis, there is something empowering about acknowledging that in some way THIS experience is serving you; not as a lesson or example of what not to do, but as a valuable part of your life’s work. This expression of you has something valuable to say. This expression of you wants to be loved and experienced as valid, to be given a place in your home with all of your other aspects and understood as having an important job. This aspect is not your enemy.
All aspects are valuable. When they come together knowing each has a place and a part to play, they become your greatest gift – you! When this too can be given it’s time and place, it’s love and acceptance, then you are not rushing to the next thing, to a better version of yourself where everything is easier because you can appease the demands of the world in a way that does not ask you to be visible. Whatever configuration of crazy you are under all of that separation is where you will feel loved.
You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.
Bringing all of your aspects home seems unthinkable at first. It may take time to identify all of your aspects let alone know how to acknowledge them. That’s all part of this moment and that’s perfect. This is not a race. You are not being herded toward some better version of yourself, you are experiencing this moment as an invitation to have the conversation with the cosmos, with your wholeness.
And when the waves are too loud to think with any clarity, or the fire is beyond a controlled burn, then there is only this moment and what you know to be true. All the platitudes and contracts fade to nought when this moment shuts out your ability to do for others. And in those moments, if you know for sure that life is happening for you, that there is a reason for this that doesn’t make you wrong, and that you have permission to feel without trying to make it look like you’re something you’re not, maybe then those moments of overwhelm can be honoured for what they are. For the intensity of life, for the unconditional self, for the primal scream that asks for nothing else other than to feel loved.
To honour those moments is not to feed the monster or rationalise its outcomes. You honour this expression as you might be with someone in detox or child birth, knowing them as a whole and perfect being having a human experience that cultural bias might prefer to keep secret. An experience society has chosen to medicalise, finding the individual wanting rather than recognising a natural desire to feel loved. For no matter what the scenario, that is what drives you…
The desire to feel loved.