Guidance. Trust. What does it take to come back to who I Am as empowered?
There are many questions to come back to around trusting yourself, your guidance and the way you show up as perfect.
- What keeps me focused on my essence rather than who I am in contrast to the beliefs I have or the stories I tell about what’s happening?
- How do I remember my wholeness and forget who I am in contrast to the way other people interpret me?
- Where do I love who I am unconditionally instead of worrying about the way people treat me in contrast to how they treat everyone else?
- What would this moment be about if it wasn’t a story about the way other people are trying to distract me and why?
- When am I allowed to feel including the ways I can’t/don’t trust people with who I am and why?
What are we really asking for?
“Which voice do I listen to?” and “which voice do I express out loud?” are not questions of skill and being able to discern between the good voice and the bad voice. It’s about trust. What are you focused on when you hear that voice? How is it geared? In other words, what is it’s job?
For example, does it pipe up to protect you from false accusations? Does it empower people? Does it make you open and vulnerable? Does it ask you to surrender, again?
There is something in what that voice asks of you. Something to be considered in the moment. Especially that part, that deciding factor between ‘speak’ or ‘keep silent’.
Does it ask you to be brave and stand in your truth? Does it ask you to be still in a place of torment? Does it ask you to listen with a wider scope?
And if if you are not familiar with the way your voice speaks to you, before it has decided to be borne on the world, then come back to who you are. Come back to knowing thyself as holy and sacred; as both self and Infinite.
Guidance is another way to talk about knowing yourself well enough to trust who you are is perfect.
It’s about a leap of faith in the alchemy of our essence and our purpose-destiny-fate. It is the story of what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immoveable object. The unstoppable force stops, and the immoveable object moves…
I remember my disappointment at discovering the answer proffered to this riddle. It felt like a cheap trick. I wanted so much to understand something deeply mysterious about the world, and this solution seemed to clinical-ise our magic.
As a philosopher I feel to argue with the conclusion. If a force is unstoppable, then it would not stop, therefore the initial premise is false. What then do we do with the notions of unstoppable and immoveable if they cannot exist in the same reality?
We change the laws of physics. Either that or we say that the properties do not exist at all. They are our options in a cogent universe that proposes to explain itself in terms of fixed properties. You are either male or female (or hermaphrodite).
Except that’s no longer true. Even gender is being re-storied in a way that removes the either-or flavour of reality.
So what are we if we cannot be tied to a fixed gender or personality type or profession or psychological state?
For all these lines we have drawn around who we are and what we do and why we do them, these boxes and points of separation that seek to elevate some parts but not others… none of them are fixed.
All of the measures we use to define ourselves are moving; fluid, flexible, unbounded aspects of a self that is simultaneously more than the sum of its parts AND indistinguishable from a unique wholeness.
There is a temptation to talk about layers and levels of consciousness, a temptation that the concepts of Oneness and mindfulness are beginning to make unpalatable. There is then an attempt to call in patterns echoed in nature as an explanation for balance and imbalance (without ever questioning the ontological), an attempt that is beginning to shimmer and dissolve into mirage as we uncover the secrets of innate wholeness in all things. And as a final push for order in chaos, there is an idea pinned to Mandelbrot, karma and a vibrational universe – an idea that loses steam whence our picture of the world is informed by a gentle invitation to simply be in the moment.
As all of the fixed ideas in the universe reveal themselves to be in constant motion, we can see life itself – our concept of consciousness included – as the unstoppable force.
But the totality of All That Is cannot be separated out into forces and objects. There is only the constant change of energy that merely appears as objects and dreams and critters in separation. An appearance that has little to do with the reality of life itself.
There is so much about human perception yet to be fully understood.
We know that consciousness begins in the heart, an electromagnetic brain responsible for pre-conceiving our experience. We know that the brain in our skull is plastic and much more than we can give it credit for at this stage. And we think we know that the signals transcribed by our heart-brain feedback system are filtered by cultural biases and cognitive functions designed to reinforce our current cosmology, so how can you know that you know what you know when all of your senses are set up to translate a world of energy into a picture of something that looks like discrete objects and fixed identities?
Even cogito ergo sum (I think therefore I am) can only take you as far as the notion of thought or self-awareness, which, if conceived beyond separation, is just energy! Energy interconnected with All That Is – NOT in a web of lines connecting separate dots or as a collection of energy fields, but interconnected in a way that cannot be understood as mechanistic.
Interconnected in a way that accepts a child is nature and nurture without contradiction or judgement; in a way that explains the harmony of the planet as a moment in time rather than an evolutionary ideal; in a way that sees the excitation of a field which does not exist in a 3D way we can see under a microscope and yet there is a landscape of alchemy being made visible.
So what is the immoveable object if everything is energy?
Where does this ‘meeting’ occur when all things are already innately interconnected? I guess that’s up to you. After all, it’s your reality. You’re the one who takes responsibility for judging things as good-bad OR seeing everything as sacred. You’re the one who has to live with the story about how this moment is a ‘challenge’ or simply another sacred conversation with the cosmos.
Remember: the choice you make around how much you trust your voice to intuit the moment, and how much you trust the universe to hold you to your one obligation – to be you – is not a choice made from a blank slate.
From your first breath to your last thought…
…You are a continuation of energy already in motion.
At no point did you ‘come in’ as a separate being with an undistorted view. And it is the distortion that makes you unique; it is the way you understand the distortion – the way you feel about how you show up in the world – that makes a difference.
For example, if you’re on a mission of great import, and your self-work asks you to be different, better, or somehow less who you are and more what you idealise yourself to be… then this is your life! In this way, your self-work is not self-acceptance, it’s a rejection and ideal that highlights who you are as a list of flaws. And your life is a rejection of the I Am which means you can’t trust anything.
Remember: the difference you make is your experience of yourself, your experience of life as self-acceptance.
This means, a man or woman can be unconscious of their ‘impact’, live a fully present existence and still do all the things that appear to make the world a better place even though that was never their intention or focus. And on the flip side, a man or woman can spend their whole life believing they are committed to making a difference when each day is full of doubt, hatred of the system or people in opposition to their efforts, and distress around achieving the outcomes that are important to them.
When the outcomes are more important than the experience, your life is a series of battles and constant assessments of how well you are doing based on the evidence you can see. And here’s the thing!
We can’t see the whole picture
There is more going on than our senses can transcribe, and the filters in place make it impossible for us to be objective. No matter how scientific you think you’re being in your commitment to doing the ‘right’ thing or being your ‘best’ self, there is no way around our subjective nature.
You can surround yourself with like minds and only read the books that support your way of seeing the world, but none of this reinforcement makes your truth universal.
Your truth is yours. It’s based on the configuration of energy that nature and nurture have made you; and it’s a powerful recognition of how life works for you (so don’t reject it), but it’s not an immoveable object.
For example, you say “Spirit is all powerful and I am an expression of the Divine” but then you don’t trust your voice and you make other people responsible for your feelings. Why?
Most of the explanations for this will make you faulty or unwise. I don’t think that helps. I don’t think you say one thing and act on another belief because there is something wrong with you or because you haven’t figured it out yet. I think it’s an invitation.
I think we are all motivated by the desire to feel loved. The unintentional change-maker and the committed sufferer, are both motivated by the desire to:
- Feel safe. What makes us feel safe? When the world plays by rules we understand. Not rules we enjoy, but rules that help us build a 3D life out of quantum energy.
- Belong. What gives us a sense of belonging? A fixed identity and relationship with others. Not a pleasant or accurate story, but one that tells us in no uncertain terms that we fit (even if we fit by playing the role of an outcast).
- Have meaning. What makes life meaningful? Having a purpose we can fulfil. Not the one we work toward, but the way we know our worth.
Often these 3 things are understood as hinderances to a happy life or a healthy mind-body-spirit. For instance, the idea of a ‘self-sabotaging’ belief is based on the assumption that you made a mistake or someone else was wrong. So, even before you’ve started looking at what makes you the way you are, the story is founded in trying to change something because you’re a victim either of your own stupidity or someone else’s malice or neglect.
How the hell are you supposed to trust yourself when your first point of self-awareness is about being right, wrong or incomplete? I think there is another way to begin our exploration of self-awareness. It’s called Heart Alchemy.
Heart Alchemy will never make you wrong (or right) and it will always come back to who I Am as empowered. When the tribe reminds you of how who you are right now is Divine, you don’t need punishment and reward to guide you. You trust that Spirit made you who you are for a reason.
Heart Alchemy will always see you as interconnected and give you a way to ‘be with’ whatever or whomever is showing up. There are ways to see how other people are perfect for there mission and that your story about their behaviour is part of your self-awareness. By taking responsibility and finding freedom in your own reflection, your relationships exist without judgement or separation.
Heart Alchemy will not make you a calm, spiritually enlightened success story because that ideal is focused on outcomes that ask you to compare yourself to something that looks a particular way.
Heart Alchemy is about self-acceptance, presence and translating all of our experiences as a conversation with the cosmos. All of your emotions, thoughts, dreams, relationships, issues and everyday scenarios are showing up for self-awareness without judgement. You still get to feel, fornicate and follow your experience wherever it takes you. It’s just that when you’re telling the story about what’s really going on, your trust in who you are is powerful enough to hold your trust in All That Is… and that’s your immoveable object!
In ‘Arkie’s Pilgrimage to the Next Big Thing’ by Lisa Walker there’s a woman who has a job that doesn’t quite fit into a box.
I read another book about a woman like that. A book by Iain Banks – The Business. It was more sinister and yet grounded in Reality – yes, with a big ‘R’ – all the same. A reality that tells you the story is what makes life good, bad or unbearable, and that there’s no gap between what you tell yourself and what is Real; between what it looks like and how it is.
So much so, for example, that when you and an other person want different things, you have to go to a judge to figure out who deserves to have what. Meanwhile, everyone is telling the story of how they’re being hard done by, no matter what, because they have to give the decision over to someone else AND life is not what they thought they signed up for. Hmmm.
Back to the unusual job for a minute.
From a safe distance, it looks like some people find their niche while others bumble around in the darkness of self doubt and distress around lack of acknowledgement. But what’s really going on?
What’s going on when you can’t see what you do as valuable?
What’s going on when you don’t acknowledge your value, especially when you can’t put a finger on exactly what it is that’s valuable about what you do?
What does that label do for our sense of self?
How does it make valuable what we already have meaning for?
Or are we still confusing acknowledgement with meaning?
shutterstock image by wavebreakmedia
According to the book, the next big thing is the pilgrimage. We’re asking, “what makes transformation of the self so appealing?” and “how does the pilgrimage of transformation correlate between Catholic purgatory and Shinto reward in this life?” Hmmm.
Catholic Pilgrimage of Transformation
Cleansed. Forgiven. Redeemed.
Transition. Penance. Sacred. Journey.
You balance out your sins before you enter heaven.
Shinto Pilgrimage of Transformation
For Japanese, pilgrimage is about reward in this life…we ask for practical help.
You come back changed – healed or maybe you find love.
The essential aspect is that you leave one world and enter another. Everyone wants that?
I want my self back. I want that flow of ideas, connectedness, to return.
Yes, I recognise that statement in the want of those around me. I recognise the want for flow as if it defines the self (and a rejection of all other experiences as non-self, as a corruption of our essence). Where does this idea work for us? What is it’s job?
For many spiritual and psychoanalytic approaches, the question is ‘where does this idea come from?’ or ‘how can we fix it?’ But for me, for a Heart Alchemist, a Living Master who sees life through Spirit’s eyes, the question is never about cause-and-effect or making this wrong. It’s always about how this energy is here for a reason and knowing it is our job to decide how it shows up.
Do you find yourself analysing portents and symbols for hidden significance?
The world seems deeply mysterious to me in a way that it isn’t to others. A crow outside my window, a dog following me home, a dream of a shipwreck, any of these things can set my mind off on a tangent from which it may take some time to return.
We are forever making sense of the world, putting it into categories, into little boxes that help us tell the story of whose fault it is or how we might put the world back into balance. And there are a lot of products you can buy to help with that battle, to keep you awake when you’re naturally tired, to support your perspective when you see opposition, to finance your project when the flow is in short supply.
We have learnt many tricks to move the conditions of life around as if they were chess pieces, as if we’re playing in opposition to some invisible force trying to beat us at our own game. Much energy is expended playing the role that earns us the points, the right to get the gold. And how many alliances are made in an effort to create what we believe to be a life well lived? Even our relationships have an agenda. We can’t be unconditionally loving because there are rules about what we expect of other people when we love them!
I can’t help thinking there is a reason – a reason beyond the obvious.
A reason even when life seems unreasonable. That’s why we trust scientific methods, spiritual sentiment or religious canon, right? That’s why we look for evidence – to find reason for the unreasonable.
It’s why we go to court and tell the story of contributing factors when someone commits a ‘crime’. It’s why we label adolescence a ‘phase’ and attribute many ‘irrational’ behaviours to an over-active hormonal system controlled by an under-developed brain. It’s why we turn to experts and gurus when life seems unbearable, confusing or unclear. It’s why we put philosophical aphorisms on our fridge, and why we turn to the seven steps of serenity when we want to avoid another ‘bad relationship’, ‘unhelpful pattern’ or a trajectory of choice set to ‘self-sabotage’.
My whole life has been based on acceptance of whatever the cosmos may throw at me.
If this was true, you would be in acceptance, but you’re not.
If this was true, you would not ask “why me?” and want for a different life, for a simpler way, for an easier purpose, for a better world, for a clearer sense of who you are and why you’re here.
And if it’s not true, then how do you make sense of what you believed to be true and now discover was just an ideal of what you’d like to be true? More importantly, how do you make sense of this revelation without making yourself right, wrong or incomplete? In other words, without judgement.
miracles and wonder
Everything you need, you already have.
Does that grind you? Are you ready to growl and yawp feverishly at the screen?
Great! You just found your Loudest Point.
Your Loudest Point
[the Japanese rock garden] I think the garden is like one of those Rorschach tests. Everyone sees something different. It depends on what you’ve known and on what you want. It is nothing but a stimulus for your mind to fly free…
Life is like that. A Rorschach ‘test’ that becomes Real according to what you’ve experienced and what you desire. It is not an objective out there waiting for you to encounter it’s truth. It is not a figment of your imagination either.
Depending on your filters – perceptual and cultural – the real is constructed and deconstructed in a particular language. In other words, you sense through one filter, then you give meaning to what you sense through another filter.
The first is not separate from the second, we just like to understand the nature of things in parts when we’re in duality. Once you see life through Spirit’s eyes say as a Heart Alchemist, a Living master, or a point of Oneness, then there is no separation. I digress.
Your Loudest Point
Your Loudest Point is the experience of your filtered reality in this moment. It’s telling you what to pay attention to. How you decipher that invitation is going to depend upon where you focus.
Are you focused on, ‘why is this happening to me?’
Or perhaps, ‘how can I get this to stop hurting?’
Is it more important to know if this a sign of confirmation or reprimand?
How you interpret (your filtered) reality is up to you
The how is not the what. The what is not the directive. The directive is not the goal. The goal is not the outcome. The outcome is not the reason. The reason is not the result. The result is not the evidence. The evidence is not truth. The truth is not the purpose. The purpose is not the effect. The effect is not the reward. The reward is not the experience. The experience is not the story. The story is not the problem. The problem is not focus. The focus is not action. The action is not the meaning. The meaning is not the method.
It is what it is, until it’s not.
You’re either being or becoming. You’re either present or you’re not. There’s no working toward becoming present. There’s no waiting for all your ducks in a row before you can love yourself. There’s no making a commitment to being a better person starting sometime in the future unless I’m late for work or the kids are making me crazy. You’re either in or you’re out.
And if you’re out, where are you?
You must be somewhere?
Spirit doesn’t put you out. Only you see yourself in terms of what you’re not doing. Spirit sees where you are, what you are doing, how you are on purpose, and how you are perfect right now.
How you interpret your filtered reality is up to you. This does not mean it’s your fault, or that you need to fix something. Stop trying to take it somewhere else and just be with what it is – how you interpret your filtered reality is up to you.
Without all the extra meanings and significances, what does this tell you? Just read the words in the sentence again. What do the actual words say. Can you see how hard it is to stay with the words just as they are? This is your filter.
Your filter tells you where to go with what you see-hear-feel.
It re-stories everything to suit your picture of the world. It tells you what is a problem and what is a blessing. It divides the world into enemies and allies. It makes other people responsible for how you feel, what you get, and where you are. It justifies your mood, your energy levels, your needs. It also plays a bit part in formulating all of your lists – your wish list(s), your to-do list, your road to recovery list, your being a good person list, your how to identify a good friend list, your sings of a happy and successful life list. Your filter is everywhere.
Your filter is a powerful protector ensuring you keep all of your rules about the world in place. Any information that contradicts that picture is shot down immediately. You will never even know it existed. Your filter is the perfect soldier.
Which means that it takes orders.
Your filter takes orders from your sensibilities.
It is a dutiful servant to all the rules and explanations that you have put in place (and made Reality, with a big ‘R’). It is doing a great job. If it’s doing a great job and it takes orders from your sensibilities, then what about your sensibilities? Are they the problem?
There is no problem!
Your sensibilities are the rules and explanations themselves. They are your picture of the world, your dictionary of everyday experience. If you’re looking for a reason for what’s going on, for a big picture reason, then you’re asking your sensibilities to answer for a job they don’t have. It is not your rules that determine the significance of Reality.
Your rules keep you safe, give you a sense of belonging and a meaningful life. They tell you how to feel when it rains, what to do when you’re sitting in the car among other cars at 7:46am knowing work starts in less time than you have to get from A to B, and they tell you when someone else is being unreasonable. Your sensibilities will ask the question ‘why me?’ but they are not responsible for the Real answer, they are only responsible for the answer that keeps your rules in place.
The significance of what is occurring, the Real answer, is what Spirit sees and it will never make you or anybody else right, wrong or incomplete. If you can see-find the answer to any question, the reason for why things are happening in a language that does not make anyone right, wrong or incomplete, then you have accessed the real beyond your filter. Congratulations!
If you cannot see-find the answer beyond your filter, then there is a reason and you are with your Loudest Point. How can you be with your Loudest Point without making it right, wrong or incomplete? How can you be present to your rules, explanations, reasons and anything else that pops up for attention, in a way that allows them all to be dutiful aspects doing a great job? How can you let them do their job AND become aware of what Spirit sees without comparison or desire for change?
How can you value who you are right now – sensibilities included – and see your desire for ‘change’ as your Loudest Point (instead of an actual goal)? In this place, you are present. In this space, you are making visible all the stories and filters in place as you simultaneously accept whatever’s in your field of vision as a conversation with the cosmos. Being here allows what Spirit sees to exist as what’s really going on…